18 September, 2008


I had tea and crepes at the Savoy with Jet from Gladiators in 2005 where I happened to nick a silver serving fork and a bottle of vinegar. I secreted the items about my person and forgot about them for months.
And you should also know that by keeping my wits about me I'm proud to say I've only ever been locked in a public toilet six times in my life. I'm not counting an incident in the urinals opposite Rochester Adult Education Centre as the cleaning staff have won awards for their work and my incarceration was voluntary.
In Feb. 2006 I happened to be sketching the animals at Howletts Wild Animal Park. I remember it well because the weather was unseasonably chilly and unusually dark and windy. As you know, the cold can play havoc with a weak bladder and I addressed the situation in one of their dank cubicles. I couldn't shut the cubilce door because the hinges had rusted up on it rendering it beyond my strength to close. However, nature is an even bigger mother than I am and the wind slammed the door shut as I was mid-flow. Startled, I jumped and made a right mess.
The force of the slamming door completely jammed the iffy lock and I had no visible means of escape. Panic began to set in. Cubicle doors don't go all the way down to the floor for some reason and I might have considered slipping through the gap underneath but was put off by the thought of clambering about in what was once the contents of my bladder. I'm many things my friends, but I'm not uncouth.
So I stopped, took a deep breath and asked myself, "What would Jet do?" Well she'd probably kick the door down but what else might she do?
Of course! The vinegar and silver serving fork! Still hidden away in my coat pockets was the former property of the Savoy. I emptied the vinegar over the hinges and it dissolved the rust. With the fork I unscrewed the hinges from the door. The door fell from it's frame and I made good my escape.
And I did a bit of drawing too, see above.

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