Well it's the 5th of November and the Thief of November has struck again. I half expected him to. Some guy's sneaked into my garden in the dead of night and had it away with my bonfire. I'd built it up all nice an' that, ready for tonight but it's gone and this is the third year in a row it's happened.
I haven't even got any fireworks because I'd planned to surreptitiously watch next door's display from behind my rhododendron with my daughter. All I've got is three jacket potatoes and two of those are on the turn, which means I'll be ok but Elodie and her mum are bound to whinge about theirs.
So I've thought things through carefully and next year I've decided to have the last laugh by drenching my bonfire wood with water, rendering it unlightable.
Stay safe and follow the firework code, kids.